I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
