i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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