Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
