She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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