you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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