You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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