My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Randomize
