just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
