Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
