bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
