i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He has the fingertips of a God
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