Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
