I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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