if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
