you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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