doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
