its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
