My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
