loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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