So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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