is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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