Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
