porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my phone needs a breathalizer
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
