capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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