i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
