I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
