It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
