Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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