Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
