If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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