I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
