Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
