Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Congratulations! We have a period
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
