The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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