it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
