Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
