i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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