My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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