Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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