So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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