its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
