The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
