so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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