Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
