i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
