I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
the liver wants what the liver wants
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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