I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
