He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
