Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All the doctor said was why
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
