Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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