Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
