dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
